People always say “I couldn’t do it”

Neither can I. The impossibility of this situation breaks my heart every day.
I crave normality. A kiss goodnight. His arms holding me close. The sound of his heart beating as I fall asleep. I crave him in the simplest of ways.
I count the days, the hours, until we are together. Every moment we move closer; every moment the waiting gets harder.
But, he is worth the pain. He is worth the daily battle against my own will. He is worth the wait.

I can’t do it, but for him I do.

“I think…” she said, to afraid of her own words to lift her voice above a croaked whisper “this world might just be big enough to break me”

“And I might be tired enough to let it…”

It’s all about timing.



If the timings isn’t right,



the rest will fall apart eventually…

I want you. In every sense of those three little words. I want to smell your skin the moment my eyes open in the morning. I want your body against mine when I fall asleep. I want your mind engaged in a battle of wills refusing to be taken down by mine. I want your longing glances, your smiles, to make you laugh and hold you when you cry. I want you to love me. I want you to make love to me. I want you now. I want you when we’re old. I want to learn from you. I want to make you laugh. I want to hate you. I want to love you. I want you to stay even when it’s hard. 

I want you. 

Nothing else. Just you. 

I’m not easy to love.
I’m a rollercoaster of emotions. I screw up all the time.
I say the wrong things. I wait too long or move too fast.
I’m stubborn.
I’ve been hurt before. My soul is still in repair.
I know I’m far from perfect. I know I’m not easy to love.

But, do it anyway.
What I receive, I give back tenfold.
In the way I kiss, or hold your hand.
With my words and action, I’ll always put you first.
I’m not easy to love, but I’ll give you my love easily.
Because the most damaged hearts never give in.
Because the hard to love, love hard.


You made me nothing.

I made me strong.

The Bubble.

I like the bubble I have created with you.

I like the way you make me laugh.

I like the smile on your face when your eyes look into mine.

I like our inside jokes and cute nicknames.

I like the way you kiss my forehead and call me beautiful.

I like how you kiss me, your body against mine.

I like every second I spend simply being with you.

I like that with you, we are the only two people in the world.


But the problem with bubbles is that sometimes they burst.

And I’m utterly terrified of ruining what I have with you.

It scares me most because, somehow, that’s what I always do.


It should scare me. After all I went through. 

To stand here on the docks again. 

The seas were rough before. That was all I knew. 

But watching the boat come closer to shore, my heart races at the thought of being with you. 

It should scare me to take that risk again. 

Even the thought was enough to send me running for the hills before I met you. 

But it doesn’t feel like a risk with you. Not a leap of faith. Or a dive into the unknown. 

It feels like coming home. 

Like seeing the world with you is the only future fate knew. 


I wanted to be ruthless. I wanted to bury my heart. I thought I could treat people the way they have continuously treated me. With 3am phone calls, disinterested conversations and unexplained absences. I wanted to not care. To just have fun.

I wanted to be cold and refuse to give a fuck. I wanted to not care about hurting anyone. I wanted walls up and standards low. Just have a good time and save all that feelings crap until I’m too old to act like a hoe.

But the truth is I do care. I hate myself for every heart I broke. But I can’t let myself risk getting hurt myself. I want to be careless, I want to care less, but instead I’m just alone.

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